Book Review: Good Grief: God’s Sustaining Presence During my Heartbreak

David A. Dean: Good Grief: God’s Sustaining Presence During my Heartbreak; Live Oak, FL; HIMES Publications, 2012.

Sooner or later, every one of us is going to face loss and grief. It is part of our journey. It is far better to prepare for it rather than to be taken by surprise. A helpful book like the following can bridge that gap. Dr. Dean’s work gives the reader a chronological look at the first year of the grief of a Christian widower after the sudden passing of his beloved wife, Dorothy Dean. There are not many works that do this, which makes this volume quite a treasure. Dean candidly shows what a man after many years of marriage thinks and feels during the stages of grief during the first twelve months. The excellent Forward by Dr. Sidney Bradley clearly prepares the reader for what to anticipate as they walk through this journey with Dr. Dean chapter by chapter.

Who should read this book? It will be extremely helpful to anyone dealing with grief. It will uniquely help widowers and widows, but that is just the tip of the iceberg. The insights in this work will be extremely helpful to relatives, friends, pastors, Sunday school teachers and even co-workers on key dates to minister to those who are grieving throughout the first year of loss. Just the insight of recognizing the times and ways one can minister to others is worth far more than the price of the book. These dates include the deceased loved one’s birthday, day of death, wedding anniversary and key family holidays. Dean reveals that each of these stark reminders can be made more bearable with the company of others and by sensitive cards in the mail or calls on the phone. Dean is a clear writer with a theological mind. But one becomes aware of his theology through his walk in pain rather than from a theoretical lecture. This book is truly layman-friendly.

Likewise, Dean’s experience with making changes in the home with the ongoing issue with Dorothy’s baskets gives great insight to the need for delay on permanent changes of certain things. Many working their way along this same path learn that passing along their loved one’s clothes to those who can use them should be done sooner than later, as this becomes more difficult as more time passes. However, we learn from Dean’s trek that some other type of possession might be best stored for a while and to take a little more time before permanent changes are made. Likewise, Dean’s story is also a positive example of not making major financial changes in the first year after the passing of a spouse. The first 12 months are way too soon to make wise major decisions when one is emotionally drained by the loss. Dr. Dean modeled this wisdom throughout this work. He was also willing to listen to his children’s advice and to carefully think things through. Unfortunately, criminals and con men will exploit vulnerable people if there are no safe guards in place. The honest description of mistakes that cause further guilt and disappointment in this story were not reversible, but they did not involve the foolish loss of needed retirement funds for basic monthly needed sustenance. This work does not warn against this danger with a lecture. It simply models the wisdom on delaying major decisions and the importance of listening to advice.

What about the small section at the end of this book, “To My Readers?” As a retired Baptist pastor, I do not personally hold to the Advent Christian views in this small section. If this small appendix confuses you, ask your pastor any questions that come to your mind. If you are unable to do that, but you need some help, see R.C. Sproul’s chapter, “To Die is Gain” in Surprised by Suffering. This chapter will help if you see another view on this matter with key Bible references. It is a good resource if you don’t skip that part of Dean’s book and you find yourself a little confused about his way of interpreting the word “sleep” in the Bible. However, don’t let this little segment deter you from reaping the wisdom displayed in this volume. It should not surprise one who reads of the loyalty Dr. Dean expresses throughout this volume to Dorothy that he would also show loyalty to his particular denomination and it distinctions on the matter of death. We can appreciate this loyalty while disagreeing on this third or second level doctrine (depending on the reader’s convictions) among evangelicals. Only first level doctrines that are denied cause us to question the salvation of those who do not hold to the faith once delivered to the saints. Therefore, get this book for yourself and then get another one for a friend. You will be glad you did.