Melanie Jackson's Testimony

 

Melanie Jackson's Testimony

My name is Melanie Jackson. When I was in the hospital after my diagnosis of glioblastoma (brain cancer), I started waking up every night with a strong feeling like I needed to write down my testimony of how Jesus Christ radically changed my life and why I have peace with this brain cancer diagnosis.

It is my heart's desire that my friends and family know how good God is and how He can change people despite their past. God didn't just now become important to me, but my faith in Him began when I was 16 years old. I truly believe that God uses our circumstances to help us see our need for Him if we will simply open our eyes.

My story is that I grew up in a very non-traditional family. I was raised by my grandparents, who still had 3 of their own children living at home at that time. My parents got married right out of high school but were divorced after a short marriage — not long after I was born. My guess is that neither my mother nor my father was obviously ready to raise a child, so, basically, my grandparents took me in so I would not end up elsewhere.

I know my presence had to have been a very difficult, stressful situation for my grandparents, which caused extra stress in their marriage and in their home. I can remember as a child asking God why I couldn't have a home life like most of my friends had. The older I got, the more I realized how odd my life really was, and my heart became very hardened, hateful, bitter, and resentful toward others. I often felt like a burden and unwanted although my grandmother did what she could to try to make me not feel that way.

As a young teenager, I began spending as much time away from home as I could in search of love and acceptance in the things the world has to offer. However, all of the temporary moments of fun always left me feeling empty. Unfortunately, nothing I tried could ever fill the void I had in my life. One good, consistent thing for me was that my grandmother always sent us to church on Sundays. So, growing up, I knew that God had created me to know Him, but because of my sin, was separated from Him. also knew that God had sent Jesus to this earth to pay the price for my sin. He died on the cross, was buried, and rose from the dead so that I could be made right with Him and be forgiven of my sin if I would accept His forgiveness.

As a teenager, although I believed these things were true, it was far from my mind. Instead, I continued searching for hope and love in things other than God. I knew the life I was living was not pleasing to God, but I wasn't quite ready to turn away from it. I didn't like the person I was becoming, but at the same time, I didn't care or feel like I had hope to change. However, the summer after I turned 16 years old, I went to a church camp. There, I got to know some of the male Christian counselors. Honestly, at first, I was only interested in talking to them because they were cute! But, wow, there was something different about them They really loved Jesus and they seemed so genuinely joyful. One guy in particular was always smiling, especially when he was singing during worship time. So, one day I asked him, "Why do you always have a smile on your face?" To my surprise, he told me it was because God had changed his life, and that Jesus made him happy. His answer shocked me, and I wanted to know more.

It was at this camp that I really began to understand, for the first time, that God loved me, despite all the bad things I had done. I learned that I didn't have to clean up my life first to receive His love, that He loved me just as I was, and that He wanted me to be His child, even though I knew I didn't deserve it. Finally, I understood that God proved His love for me by sending His Son, Jesus, to die on a cross in my place & to take the punishment that I deserved for my sinful disobedience. I finally comprehended that accepting Jesus as my Lord and Savior ensured that, when I die, I can spend eternity with Him. I learned that the Bible tells me in Romans 5:8 that "God demonstrates His own love for us, in that While We Were Sinners, Christ died for us." He died for us knowing how we would reject Him and how we would continue to turn our back on Him. In addition, I also learned that 1 John 1:9 tells me that "if I would confess my sins, He is faithful & just to forgive me of my sins and cleanse me from all unrighteousness." He would forgive me and make me clean from the filth and garbage in my life and He would give me eternal life if I would humble myself before Him and admit I was a sinner in need of His forgiveness.

I wanted the joy and peace that I had seen in the lives of those counselors. I wanted the forgiveness that they talked about, and I wanted my life to be different. So, the last night of the camp, I made the decision to surrender my heart and life to Jesus Christ. I prayed a simple prayer and asked Jesus to forgive me for my sins, to take control of my life and to make me into the person that He wanted me to be. It was more than just saying certain words in a prayer. I was making a commitment to God that from that day forward my life was His, that I would follow Him and that I would love Him and His plan for me.

My change happened when I placed my trust in Christ to forgive me for my sins which separated me from God. I knew there was nothing I could do to earn acceptance from God. It was only through Jesus' death on the cross that I could be forgiven. I know many people that have prayed prayers of forgiveness before, but for some, it was just words. Their life remained unchanged. Christianity is not about saying a quick prayer that will hopefully keep you out of hell. Instead, it is about having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, loving Him with your life, and allowing Him to change you because we cannot change ourselves.

In August of 1987, I became a Christian, and my life has never been the same. I came home from the camp, and my circumstances and my home life hadn't changed at all. However, God had changed the course of my life because He had changed me. He had changed my heart. I knew I was different because my attitude and thoughts slowly began to change. God slowly turned my anger and hate into love and compassion toward my family. Over time, God also took the bitterness and resentment that I had in my heart, and He helped me forgive and care about others. I know that only God could have done that difference.

After camp, I was determined to quit doing all the bad things I knew I shouldn't do, but at that time, I really didn't know how to grow in my relationship with Christ. In college is where God began to reveal the emotional baggage that I had which I needed to address in order to move forward and grow spiritually. By getting involved in a Bible study, praying, attending a good Bible-believing church, learning from different pastors and other godly people, I have grown in my knowledge of who God is. However, my growth has been more than knowledge, I have grown in my relationship with Him. He is not only my Lord and Savior, He is my daddy. Jesus is my life. I know that he created me to know Him and to make Him known to those around me.

I truly believe that God allowed me to grow up the way I did so that I would eventually recognize my need for Him. If I would have had the perfect life, then I may not have desired anything different, or I may have thought I was doing pretty good on my own and didn't need God in my life. So, I am thankful that God put me in a situation that helped me see my desperate need for Him.

Two of my favorite verses are Ephesians 2:8-9 because they really sum up God's salvation that He offers to everyone. They say, "For it is by grace that you have been saved, through faith, and this is not from yourselves, it is a gift of God, not by works so that no one can boast." We are saved by accepting God's free gift of salvation by faith (placing trust in Jesus) — not based on anything we have worked for or earned.

Since I have trusted Christ to save me from my sins, I know without a doubt that He has forgiven me and has given me eternal life in heaven when I die. God alone has numbered my days — not cancer (Psalm 39:4). God is in complete control of my diagnosis and of how long I have on this earth. None of us is guaranteed tomorrow. I often think about people who die in car accidents every day. No one knows how long we will live on earth, so we must be ready to go at any time. Of course, I don't want to die any time soon because I still have a lot of things I want to do. However, God has given me a peace that only He can. I know His timing is perfect as He has proven that fact over and over, and I don't have to know what His timing is. He is trustworthy.

Regardless of my cancer situation, I am not afraid to die because I know I will be with Jesus in Heaven when I do. We continue to pray for healing, but as Philippians 1:21 indicates, "For me to live is Christ, to die is gain." I am confident in that truth.

Melanie Jackson

Written in June 2021. She entered Heaven in August 2022.