When a person compares the various New Testament passages on forgiveness, they can easily become confused if they don’t realize that there are at least two types of forgiveness described in these texts. There is full formal forgiveness that follows repentance and then there is forgiveness from the heart. These two types involve very different promises made by the one forgiving the offender.
I. Consider: Matt. 18:21-35 -- The parable of the ungrateful servant and forgiveness from the heart.
(NIV) Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" {22} Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. {23} Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. {24} As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. {25} Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. {26} The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' {27} The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. {28} But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded. {29} His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.' {30} But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. {31} When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. {32} Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. {33} Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' {34} In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. {35} This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”
II. Consider also - Matt. 18:15-17 -- Forgiveness between Christians when the cover of love is blown off has a certain prerequisite according to Jesus in this text (listening, repenting).
(NIV) “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. {16} But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' {17} If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”
III. LOVE-COVERED FORGIVENESS (small things)
(Ephesians 4:32 NIV) "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
(1 Peter 4:8 NIV) "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."
You should wait until a pattern is established before dealing with any one sin. Some small offenses can and should be permanently covered over by love. Others are kept in store until we have enough information to spot major weaknesses so that we can offer help to our trapped loved one.
IV. FORGIVENESS BETWEEN CHRISTIANS FOR THINGS THAT BLOW THE LOVE COVER OFF. (Offenses that are big things to us)
(Matthew 18:15-17 NIV) “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. {16} But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' {17} If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”
(Luke 17:3-5 NIV) “So watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. {4} If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him {5} The apostles said to the Lord, ‘Increase our faith!’”
You may only grant formal forgiveness to those who repent. When I grant someone formal forgiveness, I make three promises.
1. I will not ever bring this up to you again.
2. I will not ever bring this up again to myself.
3. I will not ever bring this up again to others.
Once formal forgiveness has been granted, any violations of these promises are sin. According to Luke 17:3, formal forgiveness can only be done after the guilty party has repented and only if they appear to be Christians. To make the above promises prior to repentance would be a clear violation of many passages, including Matthew 18:15-17. Once you have granted someone formal forgiveness you may not take them to the church or to court if their repentance appears to be genuine. This would be a breach of all three promises. Because of the permanence of this commitment, Jesus limits it in Luke’s text to repentant believers. Likewise, He anticipates situations to happen in the life of the believer that will knock off the cover of love and require His restoration procedures as explained in Matthew 18:15-17. If you automatically granted formal forgiveness after every offense then there would never come a time to obey Matthew 18:15-17. Such a view of forgiveness is very different from what Jesus intended and is a breach of many principles of Biblical interpretation.
Luke 17:3 (NKJV) “Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.”
THE COMMAND
Guard your heart. Take heed to yourself. Don’t become bitter and don’t become a pushover. Make sure you watch your motives and fight your own sins in your own life.
THE CIRCUMSTANCE
Jesus said, ‘If someone sins against you’. Maybe they will sin, maybe they will not. This is what to do if it happens. You have been harmed by someone else’s sin. This is personally against you or affects you and has blown the cover of love off your relationship with the person (1 Peter 4:8). This circumstance is when a person has sinned against you. You cannot forgive a person for someone else or grant formal forgiveness for sins that were not done against you. For these situations you forgive someone in your heart for what they have done to others instead of taking up a grudge against them. It is not proper to notify them that you have forgiven them if they have not repented or sinned against you in any way. If they assume you have taken up a grudge, you may assure them that you have committed their situation and justice to God and that you will not be seeking revenge or their harm or even rejoice in any calamity that falls upon them. You are praying for God’s blessing on them and will trust God to settle all accounts. You are seeking to obey Romans chapter twelve and overcome evil by doing good things for even your enemies.
THE CHRISTIAN (or the convert)
Who has sinned against you? A brother has sinned against you. This is specified in the text. This does not apply to a pagan. If a pagan comes and repents can you forgive them? Yes, but you will need to explain the condition below and that anything less than true repentance will again sever the relationship. Also, you will need to remind them that trust is earned and not granted, so that it will take time and effort to earn your trust again. Christians will sin against you. What do you do? It depends on a number of factors. Will my love for them cover it or will my love motivate me to help them with a potential blind spot? Is this a normal case? Then I need to “go to them and show them” the problem.
THE CONFRONTATION
Rebuke the Christian offender who has sinned against you. Do not hate, gossip, hurt, or get back at the offender. No, these are not acceptable responses to being wronged. Jesus told us to: “rebuke, “and / or “Go and Show them their fault.” This is the way of Christ. Like it or not, this is what Jesus wants you to do in most situations when dealing with someone who appears to be and claims to be a Christian. If this person is dangerous, you should seek counsel and may need to choose a safer medium to follow this text. For instance, this may be done well in a five star restaurant where there are people and atmosphere of quietness. It may require prayer partners and church leaders who will help protect you physically and who will train you to protect yourself emotionally. It may be done over the phone or by mail in some situations, but a written response can be used to further damage you, so you need a lot of godly advice. There is a difference between a mafia hit man or a molester and someone who is likely to intimidate you. Again, involving wise Biblical counselors is a must when dealing with unusual situations. Verbally mean and intimidating people need to be faced, but there are some safeguards to involve even in this type of situation. For most situations, you should be able to go alone and to go with questions. This is what I perceive to be between us. What do you think about what I have said? Or, I sense that there has been something wrong, or were you aware when you did such and such how it made me feel? By questions, we leave their motives and understanding of the offense as tentative until the facts are brought out by your discussion. The normal pattern is first privately, then with two or three others, and then take it to the Church leadership to attempt to resolve or to bring it to the whole church. This text is parallel to Matthew 18:15 -21.
THE CONDITION
Full formal forgiveness has a condition. It is repentance. If they repent, maybe they will, maybe they won’t, but only if they do repent, may you grant them full formal forgiveness. Formal forgiveness must be conditional for sinners. God requires the conditions of Faith and Repentance before He forgives sinners as well. To forgive like God you must also require the same conditions. If a person refuses to listen or repent, then you must follow Matt. 18:15-17.
THE COMEBACK
The brother returns to repent. He says, ‘I am repenting.’ The benefit of the doubt must be given because the action matches the words at this point. This meeting is on his initiative, where the first circumstance was based on your rebuke. You must grant him full formal forgiveness and make the three promises in your mind. This is for a Christian only, and after repentance only. If further actions prove this repentance to be a sham and a lie, then another rebuke will be required. The process begins all over.
THE CHANGE
Repentance is a 180-degree change of all that I am and all that I love and serve. My mind, will, and emotions and life turn from a love of sin to a love of God, from surrender to the flesh to surrender to Christ. I confess my sin without excuses and turn away from my sin with my heart, mind and intentions. Repentance begins at intentions and spills over into choices and actions and has visible fruit. I say to God and man, I was wrong. I am sorry. I don’t want to do this again. Will you forgive me?
THE CURE
Only repentance and forgiveness can restore sick relationships. We may not invite people back into the relationship that sin has broken without repentance and forgiveness. Otherwise we have prostituted the relationship and made it of no value. Some say they could never obey Jesus’ command to ‘rebuke’ or to ‘go and show.’ Consider this situation. You are a mother or grandmother, and you come around the corner and see your son or grandson taking $20.00 out of your purse, and then he leaves the kitchen and goes into the bathroom. Would you really apply the denial-based forgiveness in this circumstance (I can’t rebuke)? Or would you not love him too much, realizing the next person he steals from could even shoot him and take his life or have him put in jail or juvenile detention if you just ignore this sin against you? Most would go to him and show him his sin, even if he hid the money and lied about it, and would rebuke him for stealing. They would try to help him see the terrible consequences this sin will bring in his life. It is not the $20.00, you have spent more than that on him before. But mature love casts out fear. You must then develop a greater love for your brother or sister in Christ, so that you can do for them what you would do for your own son, nephew, or grandson. You are not to nit pick ever issue in their life, but when you see soul destroying sin and relationship killing sin, you must be part of the team in the body of Christ that helps this person see their blind spots and the danger they are in if this sin continues.
THE CONCLUSION
The apostles said, ‘Increase our faith.’ The hearer’s of these words recorded in Luke realized Jesus was asking them to do some hard things. For some, the hard thing is to repeatedly forgive those who repeatedly repent. For others the hard thing is the rebuke. They have committed their lives to denial-based-forgiveness, denying reality and the truth and living in a pretend world where everything is fine. This is not only a refusal to obey Christ, but it is also damaging to others and ourselves. One must become dead emotionally and live in a world of lies and in a make-believe world that does not exist to be around people who have wronged them and do nothing. Everyone is hurt by this common procedure. It is ungodly (Romans 1:18). Denial is never displayed in the Bible as anything less than harmful and sinful.
V. FORGIVENESS FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS WRONGED ME AND WILL NOT REPENT OR CANNOT REPENT. (This is not formal forgiveness. This is forgiveness in my heart. The promises with this type of forgiveness are very different.)
When I choose to obey Scripture and forgive someone from my heart, I make three commitments.
1. I choose to desire the restoration of the relationship damaged by the offense.
2. I determine to exercise tough or bold love with them, to pursue goodness toward them, even at times meeting their needs.
3. A mature Christian will long for justice, but will surrender the timing and the task of vengeance to God alone (Rev. 6:9-11). I commit to not attempt to get even with them or to even rejoice when bad things happen to them.
Offering forgiveness from my heart invites the offender to repent of their sin against me. This invitation and my desire make an opportunity for the restoration of the relationship damaged by the sin, after they have repented. Then the process of rebuilding trust can then begin. By the three commitments above, I remove the “keep out” sign from the door of my heart. I determine to let them in on the terms set by my Lord. The invitation to restoration and to have access to my heart is extended. However, entrance through the door of my heart first requires repentance. The forgiveness in my heart tentatively cancels the debt so that the relationship can be rebuilt. Nevertheless, the sin debt may be brought up with this type of forgiveness for the ultimate good of the offender and the restoration of the relationship. I dream of what God would want them to be, and that is the person I am willing to be restored too. Forgiveness from my heart does not include trust. Trust must be earned rather than granted. I will do good to my enemy who has destroyed our relationship by his or her sin, even by removing myself from their damaging influence in order to bring change in them or at least reduce their guilt on the Day of Judgment. I do not invite them to damage me more, I invite them to change (repent) and enter the path of life. I am commanded by the Lord Jesus to be as wise as a serpent, not to be as dumb as a stone. Evil is overcome by doing good (Romans 12: 17-21) to our enemies. At times we will stand with serpent-wisdom and courage when they strike us, showing them that their attempts to cause us shame or to cause us to flee will simply not work (Matt. 5:39). However, we do not lay down for them to stomp us, as that will do both of us harm. Furthermore, if verbal repentance proves to be just another attempt at harm and manipulation, we must confront them on having not yet truly repented ( Matthew 3:8) and having postponed restoration even further. If someone has died or moved away without repenting, this may be the only forgiveness I can offer until the Day of Judgment when the matter will be set straight.
Forgiveness from the heart can be seen in these verses:
(Matthew 18:32-35 NIV) “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. {33} Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ {34} In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. {35} ‘This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.’”
(Matthew 6:12-15 NIV) "Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. {13} And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.' {14} For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. {15} But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
VI. FORGIVENESS JUST LIKE GOD’S
Have you ever considered in what way God forgives our sins? Does He do it by denial, by pretending we have not sinned against Him? Does He forgive us unconditionally, regardless of what we do? Does He save us and forgive us automatically, just because He loves us? What has to occur before God will forgive us? To get our answer we must go to “the Law and to the Prophets.”
(Acts 17:30 NIV) "In the past God overlooked such ignorance, but now He commands all people everywhere to repent."
(Luke 13:2-3 NIV) Jesus answered, “Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans because they suffered this way? {3} I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish.”
(Luke 24:46-47) Then He said to them, “Thus it is written, and thus it was necessary for the Christ to suffer and to rise from the dead the third day, {47} and that repentance and forgiveness of sins should be preached in His name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem.”
So when we read what Paul says: “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32 NKJV), we must ask ourselves some questions. How and when did God the Father forgive me in Christ for my sin debt? As the verses above state, AFTER I REPENTED. We are to forgive one another JUST AS God forgave us, which is again, after we believed in Christ and repented of our sins. We were not granted formal forgiveness a moment before this act of faith and repentance. We were under the wrath of God until we trusted Christ and in surrender, turned away from our life of sin and turned instead toward a life in God.These verses must have an application then.
(Matthew 18:15-17 NIV) “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. {16} But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' {17} If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector (a traitor).”
(Matthew 7:6) “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before wild boars, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and slice you in pieces.”
Forgiveness is a very important subject. You should study this issue with the following two books that provided some of the information above by gifted Bible students and with an open Bible:
From Forgiven to Forgiveness, Jay E. Adams
Bold Love, Dan Allender and Tremper Longman, III
The Bible never contradicts itself. We must interpret all Scripture by the teachings of other Scriptures. Once a difference is discovered between the different kinds of forgiveness, then what seemed to not make sense begins to clear up for the child of God (John 7:17). We are to be both fruit inspectors and judges ( 1 Cor. 6:1-6) as well as to hold each other accountable to the truth. For those who repent, we chose, like God, ‘to remember their sins no more.’ The omniscient God does not forget, but He does not focus on acts covered and taken away by the blood of His Son. We too must chose to redirect our focus by forgiveness.
By Ted D. Manby
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